The 10

When I made my final decision to move to LA, I was most nervous about driving in the infamous traffic that plagues the city's streets.  Well the traffic, while horrendous, wasn't the problem.  The 10 was the problem.  My mom and I crossed the threshold of Hollywood around 5 PM on Wednesday, August 25th via the 10...Two hours later of countless turn-arounds, expletives, and drive-bys through what could be any outdoor market in South America we finally found our way off the 10 and into the comforting serenity of Kelly's apartment.  I would clarify and say "I-10" but that would mean I'm not cool and don't know that the Interstates are prefaced with the ubiquitous article the and not I.  After that initial crowded maze of confusion, my mom and I concocted a LA road survival guide:  Stay in the middle lane and your chances of getting to where you want to go increase magnificently.  This discourse served us well for the remainder of her stay and since then I have begun to follow the wise words of the all-knowing, all-seeing entity known as Google.  Google Maps.  Now, if only my brother could figure out how to send me my GPS system.  Apparently having a father who has worked for the US Postal Service for nearly 30 years makes you mail-illiterate. 

Fast-forward

When did I ever think that I would have the time, or, more accurately, enough intriguing subject matter, to write this blog everyday?  Since I am quickly falling behind, here is the whirlwind tour of the country from Texas to LA:

Location:  Groom, TX.  Population:  587.  Home of the world's largest cross.  It's true; everything is bigger in Texas.

Location:  Albuquerque, NM.  Population:  528,497.  Pit stop to check off one more culinary adventure on this abbreviated Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives tour.  Dinner at the Standard Diner where Mom daringly dined on the Country Fried Tuna with wasabi guacamole and I dove into grilled Atlantic Salmon with this "orange burre blanc" sauce that I wanted to bathe in.  I would have loved to stay a few days and satisfied my appetite for more Triple-D deliciousness, but the show must go on and so we went on.

Location:  Grand Canyon, Arizona, USA.  Population:  Nearly 5 million visitors each year.  And I thought the world's largest cross was big.  PS I will never visit the Grand Canyon with my mother ever again.  Apparently large canyons with perilous rims give her panic attacks.

Location:  Sedona, AZ.  Population:  11, 220.  Imagine you have been struggling through the suffocating heat of a bleak, desolate desert.  For days you have been re-hydrating by swallowing your own spit.  Just when you feel like hope is lost and your body will come to its final resting place in the harsh dust of this God-forsaken land, the bright rays of the sun infuse their light into the red rock formations that loom ahead.  The rust-colored rocks illuminate in brilliant  hues of orange, gold, and red, beckoning you to come and escape from your imminent death.  No, it is not a mirage.  It is Sedona, Arizona.  I shudder to think that my mom and I almost missed this hidden haven.  Absolutely one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen in my life and the perfect secluded spot for a spa vacation.  Not like I have ever had a spa vacation, but if, or when, I do I know where I will go.

Location:  Los Angeles, CA.  Population:  9,848,011 (in LA county).  Here we go...

   

Middle of Nowhere

Now I know why Hanson's first CD was entitled "Middle of Nowhere."  It's because they were from Oklahoma and any where you go in Oklahoma is, in fact, the middle of nowhere.  Yes, I was a Hanson fan back in middle school, and yes, I did go see them in concert my junior year of college, and yes, I enjoyed it.  Moving on.  My mom and I cruised through Arkansas and arrived at the border to Nowhere, USA, the state formerly known as OK.  It was about 7:30 PM and we decided to drive through the last hour of daylight assuming we would be able to easily find a hotel.  We casually waved off the exit we passed at the state border, deeming those hotels sub par and confident in our ability to find a better nights rest elsewhere.  Little did we know that we were saying goodbye to civilization as we knew it.  You might think it refreshing to know that there are places in this world untouched by civilization, but that thought is only cool if you are sitting in the comfort of your own home within walking distance of a grocery store, gas station, and Super Wal-Mart.  It's not so cool to be driving through this strange, uninhabited land when you are tired, hungry, and desperately need a place to sleep.  All the billboards advertising Dairy Queen and La Quinta have been sucked into the vacuum of a lost world we didn't know we were leaving behind when we crossed the invisible state line.  If it hadn't been for the full moon we would have been lost in the pitch black wilds of Oklahoma.  We had almost given up and assented to the fact that we weren't going to find a hotel before we reached Texas, when we saw a crop of lights on the horizon!  Now keep in mind that the horizon in Oklahoma is about 30 miles away from you so we still had a bit of a drive, but life did exist!  Life in the form of Wal-Mart that is.  Not a hotel, not a restaurant, not a gas station...a Wal-Mart.  Who shops at this Wal-Mart I will never know because I don't think the people in Arkansas are coming all the way out here to get their toilet paper.  This two and a half hour saga does have a somewhat happy ending.  We eventually happened across a truck stop motel around 10 o'clock that night that was shockingly vacant.  So we found a bed...but no continental breakfast.

Walkin' in Memphis

There is nothing I like more than a good continental breakfast.  That may be a slight exaggeration but it's pretty high on the list.  The best was the time my brother caught our house on fire and we had to stay at the Hampton Inn in Albemarle for a while.  They had these mini sausage biscuits that are too die for!  A dab of mustard on that sucker and it was a little pillow of heaven.  Earlier this summer I tried to convince my sister to put on pajamas with me and go to that same Hampton and hoard all of their miraculous biscuits.  We never did it, but think about how easy it would be.  They would never know.  PS I'm going to start doing this if I fail to find a job out here and can't afford my Trader Joe's anymore.

With a satisfying breakfast under our belts, my mom and I headed to the home of the king...Graceland.  We didn't pay to take the tour of Graceland, but we did pay homage to his excellency by signing our names on the stone wall that surrounds the perimeters of his breathtaking estate.  I wrote something lame like, "Following my dreams too."  I know, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.  I should have said, "I can't wait to eat a fried peanut-butter and banana sandwich with you in heaven."  I'm just going to pretend that's what I wrote.

Now, for what was probably the best part of our cross-country road trip.  The Neely's BBQ restaurant in Memphis, TN.  Let us have a moment of silence for the absolute most succulent meal I have experienced in recent memory......Amen!  I can't believe I am admitting this but the Neely family may have converted me to a Memphis BBQ fan.  For nearly 25 years I have been a devoted fan of Eastern NC-style BBQ.  The moist pork drenched with the tangy vinegar-based sauce that punches your tongue with it's spiciness has been an unshakeable number one on my BBQ radar.  But this pulled pork sandwich slathered with it's thick, sweet-n-spicy sauce and topped with a mountain of cool, creamy cole slaw was an ethereal gastronomical experience.  So amazing I almost canceled the rest of the road trip and pitched a tent in the parking lot and called it home.

We eventually stuffed our satiated bellies back into the CRV and trolled through Clinton's homeland of Arkansas.  Insert obvious joke about his infidelity here and we'll be done with that state.

Next up:  Being pissed in Oklahoma.  And not the British meaning of pissed either.

Author's note:  My brother is not a pyromaniac; his pop-tart got stuck in the toaster and lit up like a firecracker.  Special thanks to our friend and former-neighbor Robin Morris for fighting that fire with her fortuitous extinguisher.

Just start at the beginning

Well I originally planned to start this blog the day I left for California, which was August 21, 2010.  It is now September 3 and I have been in California for 9 days.  In my defense, I was busy driving across the country and apparently they frown upon texting while driving, so I figured blogging while driving probably wasn't cool either.  So we are going to take a minute to rewind time and start at the beginning of this story.  Hey, it's my story and I can manipulate time if I want to.  So go back to Saturday, August 21, 2010.  It's about 10 AM (projected start time 9) and I have managed to effectively box up my twenty-five years of existence and fit it in the trunk of my cherry-licious, 1999 Honda CRV.  Before I started packing I kept saying, "Oh, I don't have a lot of stuff.  Packing will be a breeze."  Well, it turns out I'm a hoarder.  Sitting in my bedroom amidst receipts from past vacations and ticket stubs from every movie I've seen since I could get into rated 'R' films, I thought I might need an intervention.  But it turns out throwing stuff away was very cleansing and therapeutic.  Plus, I knew that if I showed up to my friend Kelly's LA apartment with a car full of sentimental crap I would be homeless.  With my new, streamlined life packed and ready to go, I fight back tears as I say goodbye to my brother and sister and we take pictures like we are headed off to the first day of school.  This will be the hardest part of living on the left coast, being so far from the two people who I love more than anyone else in this world...besides Justin Timberlake of course.  Kidding! Kind of.  Straight out of a country music video I drive away watching my brother not waving and my sister fake chasing after me.

First pit stop:  Jumping Jack's Coffee approximately 1.5 miles from my house.  I couldn't leave without one more of their ultimate Chai Tea Lattes.  I pity the fool who has never had one.

Second pit stop:  My grandparents' house in Kannapolis, NC approximately 40 miles from my house.  At this rate it will take two weeks to get to LA.  We had to take this detour because we were returning my grandparents' truck that we had borrowed.  Interesting note: The G-rents came to my "farewell" dinner the night before and Maw-maw was supposed to drive the truck home.  Well, Maw-maw was sippin' on the spirits and we had to convince her that no, indeed she could NOT drive.

Final pit stop:  Nashville, TN.  Went to dinner at Deno's, a popular steak and pasta restaurant near Broadway, and just happened to be sitting beside Carrie Underwood and her hockey-playin' husband!!  Ok, that didn't happen, but I did feed a homeless man my leftover roasted chicken.  If you've never done this, try it.  I could not let my waitress take away a full chicken breast and throw it away when I passed at least ten homeless people on my way there.  Thanks to Ginny for inspiring me to reach out to the people I would have normally passed by with, at most, a sad smile or sympathetic frown.

Day 1 down.  Tomorrow GRACELAND.